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I stepped a bit out of my comfort zone when I decided to read and review this book. The synopsis screams ANGST and I’m very particular when it comes to angst. So particular that I have stayed away from overly angsty books. I cannot deal with OTP one thing after another craziness that many angsty books are filled with. But something in this book called to me and I’m really, really glad I read it. (In fact, it’s one of my favorites of 2016)
While I have several of Ms. Jacquelyn’s books on my TBR, Unbreak My Heart is the first book of hers that I’ve had the pleasure of reading. I started this book at 10pm one night and I stayed up until almost 2AM reading it. I gave in at 75% and resolved to finish it the next day. I was absolutely riveted. This book was heartbreaking from the beginning, with Kate growing up in love with Shane and then watching him fall for her best friend Rachel. Kate then spends a great deal of her time helping Rachel with the children while Shane is deployed. She loves the children deeply and sacrifices so much of herself for them. When Rachel dies tragically, she steps in to take care of the children as she always does. Enter Shane. Now, I’m going to warn you, you’ll want to punch him numerous times throughout the book. His treatment of Kate is hard to take. She is so loving and gives that love to everyone around her freely, with no conditions. Even with Shame being a dick, I never questioned the path that Ms. Jacquelyn set Kate and Shane on. Kate KNOWS Shane. She knows why he acts the way he does and she doesn’t poo-poo it or necessarily let him get away with it. She always pushes him AND pushes back. Kate knows, just like Ms. Jacquleyn does, that Shane is redeemable.
Redemption stories are my catnip. I love them. I enjoy seeing an author take a character and transform them into someone that is loveable and understands that they are worthy of love. Shane always had it easy with Rachel, whereas Kate always pushed him. I think while Rachel loved Shane, Kate LOVED Shane. It takes him a while to realize and understand this and during that time, he does some stupid stuff. On the other hand, when Shane had his guard down and let loose his feelings for Kate, he was sweet and loving.
In this book, we also meet Kate’s family and they are a trip. Luckily, we are getting more of Evans family, book two, Change of Heart will be available in September! (Yaa!)
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I don’t remember the drive to the hospital or even where I parked that afternoon. I can’t recall what the nurse looked like as she searched for Rachel’s name in their computer system or the walk toward the room where I waited for someone to speak to me.
The first thing I remember clearly is the white-haired doctor’s kind face as he sat down across from me, and the young chaplain’s small smile as he chose the chair to my left. Their words became a litany that I would hear in my dreams for years.
My Rachel was gone, but her son was alive and in the NICU.
“Is there anyone you’d like for us to call? Any family or friends that you’d like to be here?”
The question jolted me out of the fog that seemed to be getting thicker and thicker around me. Dear God.
“I’ll make the calls,” I answered, looking blankly at the wall. “Can I have some privacy please?”
“Of course. I’ll be right outside if you need me,” the chaplain answered, reaching out to pat my hand. “I’ll take you up to the NICU when you’re ready.”
The room was silent after they left, and I fought the urge to scream at the top of my lungs just to hear it echo around me. I understood then why people hired mourners to wail at funerals. Sometimes the lack of sound is more painful than the anguished noise of a heart breaking.
My hands shook as I pulled my phone out of my front pocket and rested it on the table in front of me.
It only took a moment before the sound of ringing filled the room, and I rested my head in my hands as I stared at the name across the screen.
“Hello? Kate? What’s wrong?”
“Shane—” I said quietly, my voice hitching.
“What? Why are you calling me?” His voice was confused, but I could hear a small thread of panic in the urgency of his words.
“I need you to come to Tri-City Hospital,” I answered, tears rolling down my face and landing on the glass screen of my phone, distorting the letters and numbers.
“Who?” His voice was frantic, and I could hear him moving around, his breathing heavy.
“Rachel was in an accident.” I sobbed, covering my face to try and muffle the noise.
“No,” he argued desperately, as I heard two car doors shut almost simultaneously. “Is she okay?”
I shook my head, trying to catch my breath.
“Kate! Is she okay?” He screamed at me, his anguished voice filling the room as I’d wanted mine to just minutes before.
“No,” I answered through gritted teeth, feeling snot running down my upper lip as I heard him make a noise deep in his throat. “She’s gone.”
He didn’t say a word, and less than a second later, the connection was broken.
I rubbed at my forehead, trying to convince myself that it was all just a nightmare. Where was I supposed to be? What was I supposed to do now? My best friend in the entire world was there in that hospital, but not really. I couldn’t bear to see her. I couldn’t help her. Where the fuck was I supposed to go?”
I made my way to the NICU as quickly as I could, and within minutes, I was holding my new nephew in my arms. The nurses told me that he’d passed all of his tests with flying colors, and I was in awe as I sat down in a rocking chair, cradling him to my chest.
“You sure got a shitty beginning, little man,” I murmured against his fuzzy scalp, rocking back and forth gently. “I’m so sorry, buddy. You’re probably missing your mama and that warm bubble you’ve been in for so long. I can’t help you there.”
I sniffled, closing my eyes as tears rolled down my cheeks. My whole body ached, and even though I had that little boy in my arms, the whole day seemed like some sort of surreal dream, foggy in some parts and crystal clear in others. I wanted to hop up and take his sleeping, little form to Rachel, to tease her about the weird Mohawk thing he was sporting and make joking comments about how men always seem to sleep through the hard parts of life. I wanted to see her smile proudly at the sturdy boy she’d produced and grumble that I was hogging him.
I wanted everything to be different.
I hummed softly with my eyes closed for a long time, holding the baby close to me. It was quiet where we sat, nothing breaking up the stillness of the room until I heard someone open the door.
“There he is,” the nurse murmured from the doorway.
My eyes popped open to see Shane’s ravaged face just feet from me. He looked like he was barely holding on. I swallowed hard as his red rimmed eyes took in his son carefully before rising to meet mine.
“Is he okay?” he asked thickly, searching my face. I’d never seen him so frightened.
“He’s perfect,” I answered, my voice throbbing with emotion. “The nurses said he’s a rock star.”
He nodded twice, reaching up to cover his mouth with his hand, but before he could say another word, he was stumbling and falling to his knees with an almost inaudible sob.
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